Snow Chronicles

Otaku mutters to himself as he digs through his “treasure heaps” that were scattered throughout his room looking for his romance novels. “I know they are here somewhere, just got to remember where was the last place I saw them”. He checked under his bed and searched his shelves. They weren’t with his hentai magazines, nor mixed in with his pile of used panties he bought online.

After about only five minutes of searching, Otaku gave up “I looked everywhere! And they are not here, without them I cant go on this date” he moaned in despair as he sits on the edge of bed and drops he is head into his hands “I finally get a date and I cant find those stupid books” if anyone was listening, they would hear a undertone of crying in his voice.

This was Otaku’s nature, the slightest obstacle in his path and he starts to slip into despair. However, by dealing with this over the years, he came up with a technique that help pulls himself back from the edge. What he does is picture that his hero Tesoro was in his current situation and he asks himself “What would Tesoro do?”. He dubbed this “The One Question” and actually he doesn’t just use this for when he gets overwhelmed, he makes every decision in his life using it.

Still sitting on his bed with his head in his hands he starts the repeating to himself “What would Tesoro do?” “What would Tesoro do?” What would Tesoro do?” as if he was chanting some sort of ritual in an attempt to summon Tesoro’s spirit. Normally this would continue until either he came up with a solution or by getting distracted by something else.

And right on que, DING! A loud ding comes from Otaku’s computer, notifying him that someone responded to one of his posts.

“So, he finally responded!” Otaku thinks as he gets up and walks over to his computer, the novels and the date completely forgotten. Sitting down, his hands shaking with excitement, he grabs the mouse and clicks on the link to open up the chat thread. And Otaku’s excitement quickly vanished, the response was not from the poster he was expecting, it seems a new player has enter the battle.

At first Otaku just gave the new post a quick skim, not really interested in it and with plans to return to it later, but some of things being said caught his attention and he went back and reread it thoroughly. As he goes through the post, his blood starts to boil and he punches his monitor in anger.

“Ouchie” Otaku whines as his fist makes contact with the screen. Jumping out of his chair, he starts doing a little dance around the room shaking his hand in a childlike attempt to ease the pain. Once the pain starts to subsides he inspects his hand for damage, “Pretty sure it is broken, I should probably have my mom look at it and splint it” he thinks, but quickly dismisses this thought knowing he would have to explain to his mom how it happened and he didn’t want her scolding him. So, fighting through the pain of his “broken hand”, Otaku returns to his computer and flips off the screen as he sits down, vowing to himself one day to destroy it.

Putting his battle against the Evil monitor on hold, he returns his full attention back to the post and finishes reading it. The parts of it, that he found really hard to swallow, were where the poster said “Tesoro cant predict or understand Nakamura’s way of war”, “In a battle of wits, Tesoro would lose against Nakamura at every turn”, and the one that got his blood boiling the most “Tesoro has no martial prowess”.

Otaku started to lose his temper again as he tries to process what he just read “How can he say this about Tesoro, and comparing him to that Bandit!. How dare he insult Tesoro like that!”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Otaku put Tesoro on a pedestal of gold, he would see that this new poster did not sling insults in any way, he was simple engaging in the conversation and adding in his own point of view. He even gave reasoning behind each of his opinions. But for Otaku, all he saw was a man insulting his idol and this he could not stand for, so to “war” he went.

In Otaku’s head, this really was his version of war, the online battle of wits against the Tesoro haters. It was his life’s mission to spread the greatness of Tesoro, he often mentally compared himself to one of Jesus’s disciples, but instead of spreading the Word of Christ, he was spreading the Teachings of Tesoro.

With war declared, Otaku reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a notebook label “Otaku’s Art of War”, a manuscript he wrote using what he learned from studying the Teachings of Tesoro. Opening the cover, he preforms the ritual he does every time he brings the book out. He places his hand on the image of Tesoro he has on the first page and whispers The One Question “What would Tesoro do?”. With that being said, he was ready to go to war.

He turns to the first section of the book labeled “Know Thy Enemy” and begins to read. “The great Tesoro states “It is foolish to enter a battle without knowing the strength and weaknesses of who you are up against” and therefore you should always investigate your enemy before engaging in combat”. With this teaching firmly in his mind he makes his first move and sets out to investigate his opponent,

“I should start my investigation by analyzing his online handle, people always use personal references to make those” as Otaku thinks this, he gives himself a mental pat on the back “His handle is GreatBanditNakamura, no surprised there, stupid fanboy” the irony was lost on Otaku, considering his own handle is DiscipleOfTesoro”but now I know he is a Nakamura fan, I can use this information to crush him!”. Continuing with his investigation he clicks on the poster’s profile, “nothing personal, just filled with facts about Nakamura. What kind of loser fanboy fills his profile with facts about their hero” again the irony was lost on Otaku. “Well, that investigation didn’t really give me much to go, it’s almost like he wants to keep his information private…” with this thought Otaku’s mouth hung open “no way, he is purposely hiding his information so his opponents cant find him” Otaku gains a glimmer of respect for the man and a look of recognizing a worthy rival crosses his face “This man is good, finally a opponent I can go full out against” and with that he returns to the manuscript to plot his next move.

In the dining room, Ms. Weaboo has finished cleaning the table and was currently relaxing in her comfy chair enjoining another drink.

“That went pretty well” Ms. Weaboo muses as she picks up the phone and starts to dial Haruna’s number, “Maybe this is the first step to getting Otaku growing up and getting him out of the house”. However, the thought of the empty house makes Ms. Weaboo’s mind slide into a dark place and she stops dialing Haranu’s number, “No Otaku means an empty house and me alone”, Ms. Weaboo has been in a constant fight trying to overcome the trauma of losing her husband, a lost that has triggered a fear of losing everyone and being alone.

Looking around the dimly lit room, images start to flash through Ms. Weaboo’s head. Her coming home from work to a empty and silent house. Her sitting at the table alone eating a meal in silence. And they got darker too, a man breaking into her house while she slept. As these thoughts are racing around in her mind, Ms. Weaboo hearts starts to beat rapidly and she had to struggle for each breath. Noticing the signs of a panic attack kicking in, she reaches over to the end table and pulls her pills out of the drawer.

For the next few minutes Ms. Weaboo sits there and just focuses on calming herself down, taking slow breathes and telling herself everything is okay. “I need to stop getting myself worked up over nothing” she tells herself for the hundredth time, “And I cant let my fears hold me back from helping Otaku.” And with that thought, she pours herself another drink and picks up the phone to call Haruna.

Back in his room, Otaku has finished reading through his manuscript and starts to plan his attack.

Otaku talking to himself trying to sort out his thoughts “Well, according to Tesoro’s teaching, if one does not know thy enemy, then one should not engage in open battle. Instead they should lay an ambush or retreat until information is gathered” Otaku lays the manuscript down and stares off into the distance, “But what if I do both, lay an ambush for him to fall into that will deliver me information about him” a grin of triumph crosses Otaku’s face “Its the perfect plan! I will response with a brief post, where I just insult Nakamura. And when my opponent responds, he will be so full of anger that he will let down his guard and unknowingly let information about himself slip”

Giggling with anticipation, Otaku tries to figure out something that would set this fanboy off. As he contemplates this, his eyes begin to wander and lands on his body pillow. Looking at the pillow he Remembers the anger he felt after reading the post from earlier, grimacing he mutters “It is shameful to steal the tactics of others, but that would be perfect tactic to use”. And with that he types up his response.

“Nakamura sucks, you’re stupid”

“At least I spelt you’re right” Otaku mutters half-heartedly, in attempt to ease the shame he was feeling. Being done with the attack, he goes to put away his manuscript, but upon opening the drawer, he finds his romance novels and remembers the date. With his excitement in the date renewed, he scoops up the first novel and jumps in his bed landing on his back and starts to study for the date. “As Tatsu enters the cafeteria he sees Namiko, the prettiest girl at school, sitting a table by herself. In an attempt to get her attention, he rushes forward and slaps her on the back of the head…….”